Threads of letting go

I’m no advocate for letting go 

I often find myself digging and pushing and pulling the strings 

When there is nothing left to do, to feel, to love 

But what if I missed one spot, 

One ounce of hope, 

One bit of strength undetectable by the machines 

But faintly noticeable if you wait in silence? 

And I hang my ear to that vibrating nothingness 

And wait. 

But waiting costs me time, 

And waiting costs me trust 

And ultimately

Waiting costs me myself.

So I beg for reasons and negotiate with life 

I bargain what I get and smile at one bonus hour 

While I keep letting go on my smile, 

My warmth, my wish to ever deserve more.

And as I pick myself off the cold bathroom tiles,

and wash off the red wine stains off my white T Shirt,

I tell myself it is ok to let go.

It is ok to choose myself, 

it is ok to start all over again.

put back the bits and pieces with tape and glue 

and rearrange them in the shape that best fits me now.